Why not get started now? Im sure chocolate lovers like thesefunny chocolate jokes! Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. You're a chip off the old block (of cookie dough). To return Click Here. There was a sign next to it saying, "what ever you wish for comes true once you slide down". Norman Hollenberg, M.D., Ph.D., Harvard Medical School, Chocolate contains large amounts of the same beneficial plant chemicals that now have burnished the reputation of tea. When the going gets tough, the tough eat chocolate. Addiction & Guilt Why? "yeah we know him he's the greatest isn't he? If one swallows a cup of chocolate only three hours after a copious lunch, everything will be perfectly digested and there will still be room for dinner. Life is like a box of chocolates full of nuts! No matter the setting, these 50 hilarious, unsavory jokes are never entirely appropriate. Why not! When the old man returned, the young man felt guilty and confessed to taking the peanuts. 3 Musketeers! Check it out. He was nutty! Some like it hot, some like it cold; I like it chocolate! You are like a box full of sweet that I cannot get hands off. Because I want you to spread for my satisfaction tonight. Huh?I opened a Mars bar once.I discovered martians love gin.Life is like a box of chocolatesMostly disappointing.A seven-year-old is sitting on a park bench eating a chocolate bar.The man sitting next to him looks over and says, Eating that many chocolate bars are bad for you.The boy looks over and responds, My great grandfather lived to be 105.The man replies, And he ate that much chocolate?No, says the boy. Almond Joy To The World. Copy This. Hershey Common and the Heat Ray. Being with you is like getting into cloud nine full of sweets. - The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate. What do parrots say when they see a candy bar? Michael Levine, nutrition researcher. Chocolate causes certain endocrine glands to secrete hormones that affect your feelings and behavior by making you happy. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray, Is your name sweet because you absolutely are. 1. "Mon, where's the magic?" said the cashier. What did the M&M go to college? Marquise de Svign, Chocolate is a perfect food, as wholesome as it is delicious, a beneficent restorer of exhausted power. At home it is always sweet o clock. The man wished for a million dollars, and poof! I saw a joke about chocolate bars but it wasn't that funny So I just snickered. Because I would definitely want to taste your sweet. What do you call people who like to drink hot chocolate all year long? Julia Louis-Dreyfus, I probably have some sort of chocolate five times a week. Hell hath no fury like a woman who has sworn off fudge and chocolate. A cad-bury. Chocolate Stores Where to Buy Chocolate, Coverquotes Click N Collect | Click and Collect, You Can Keep Your Heart and Brain Healthy with the Right Chocolate, Scientists Say. A: To get chocolate milk. . Alicia Silverstone, The taste of chocolate is a sensual pleasure in itself, existing in the same world as sex For myself, I can enjoy the wicked pleasure of chocolate entirely by myself. He rubbed it and out popped a genie, who gave the man three wishes. What happens before it rains chocolate? The alien says "Yea, when he FIRST visited our planet we gave him a huge box of chocolates. What the cold weather does to cold people! It is the best friend of those engaged in literary pursuits. See you in the Email! The police are trying to catch him, but hes always got a few Twix up his sleeve! What do you get when you cross a red racing car, nuts, and chocolate? A: Because no one wants to quit. Cremation. Though, it is still possible to console yourself with chocolate jokes. Anything is good and useful if its made of chocolate. A seven-year-old is sitting on a park bench eating a chocolate bar. I dont know babe but I think my love for you is enough to stop your cravings for sweet. Mr. Goodbar! 75 FANTASTIC Baby Jokes That Are Undeniably Cute! They actually believe Ive got chocolate in my van. A little boy was taken to the dentist. If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet? Cocoa-Nuts. . Our selection of dark chocolate jokes ranging from chocolate bars to chocolate cookies will make you laugh so hard. God is watching the apples. I heard a rumor that Cadbury is bringing out an oriental Cadbury crave bar. Because you're making me drool. If you were my husband I would poison your tea. If at first you dont succeed, have a little chocolate. My wife hates it when I swap her chocolate bar wrappers around. But chocolates chocolate. Here, have some chocolate. Choco-early. Stay out of those, said his wife, theyre for the funeral., A young girl was at the dentist for a check up. Chocolate Chewbacca cookies! 81.12 % / 2071 votes. 2. Its nice that if I want something sweet I wont ever have to hold back cause I have you. Research tells us fourteen out of any ten individuals likes chocolate. 5. Chocolate is a divine, celestial drink, the sweat of the stars, the vital seed, divine nectar, the drink of the gods, panacea and universal medicine. Why don't bananas snore? The jamaican mon said "check the guyanese pockets and yuh find all three a dem" It was another Payday and I was tired of Mr. Goodbar. Its strengthening, restorative, and apt to repair decayed strength and make people strong. Copy This. It must have been so dark I didnt see the other one. 20 Chocolate Puns. Forget love Id rather fall in chocolate! Are you Kit Kat, because I am going to break you and eat you. To bake Star Wars bread, you have to use the bicarbonate of Yoda. 9) Looking for Mr. Goodbar: A kid goes to a candy store and can't find his favorite chocolate bar.Chaos ensues. Cadburies have announced theyre going into administration. Chocolate Chip Wookiee. The lisp magician gives everyone a chocolate bar. What do you call a lamb covered in chocolate? The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. Dont you think having you and sweet food in my life is redundant? Darling, you are like chocolate, you make everything better. Chocolates have the power to change peoples moods, and a box of chocolate will make most people happy also these chocolate one liners. Such things are not going to affect ones lifebut 1932 the Mars Bar and 1936 Maltesers and 1937 the Kit Kat these dates are milestones in history and should be seared into the memory of every child in the country. I do not like sweets but I would gladly eat them just to get close to you. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The worlds best Sundae! Knock knock! Currently you have JavaScript disabled. Make a list of these one-liners and then roll them out like Maltesers. You can taek-won-do.Why is the Toblerone chocolate shaped like a triangle?So that itll fit inside the box.In case you were wondering, chocolate identifies as female.Preferred pronouns are Her/she.I ordered a chocolate clock from Amazon a few months ago and it hasnt arrived yet.Boy, its taking its sweet time getting here.People always ask me how I sneak chocolate into the cinema.WellIve got a few Twix up my sleeve.I once saw Arnold Schwarzenegger eating a chocolate egg.I said to him, I bet I could guess your favourite holiday!He replied, Have to love Easter, baby.Crazy ex-girlfriends are like a box of chocolates.Theyll kill your dog.I love chocolate.Hard candy is for suckers.I put my friends chocolate bars in different wrappers. Sniggas. Later, at the Cacao Festival, I shared my CHOCOLATE letters with my new girlfriend, Ethel. "I'd rather go through the pain of childbirth again than let you drill in my mouth," the woman told her dentist. Lick my fingers like you could not get enough of me like you do to your sweets. 150 Hilarious Chocolate Jokes to Whet Your Appetite for Laughter. Chocolate isnt like premarital sex. Who's there? If you HAVE met that special someone and still believe that, I REALLY NEED to know where you get your chocolate! Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Change), You are commenting using your Twitter account. - Chocolate satisfies even when it's gone soft. These chocolate knock-knock jokes are sure to put a smile on your face. Sandra Boynton, Chocolate: the Consuming Passion, Carob is a brown powder made from the pulverized fruit of a Mediterranean evergreen. My final hope for a smokin' hot body! Imogen who? A guy is sitting at the doctor's office. Baby I would trade the entire candy bar in the world for you. In addition to making us feel happy, it has a lot of other benefits as well. Then you could kill as much as you desire. Why don't you take my Whatchamacallit and slip it up your Bit 'O' Honey?" Its important we remember the true meaning of Easter Baby you satisfy me like only chocolate could. Youre hot, and I want to be on top of you. Chocolate has also been called the food of the devil, but the theological basis of this claim is obscure. Do not Disturb! The alien sees that the pope has become irate at this fact and starts trying to rationalize "Maybe he likes our chocolate better than yours?" What occasion do cute chocolate bars look forward to all month? Every jokes so funny I am enjoying your jokes and best of luck for new jokes. My love for you is like hot chocolate, I just cant hold on to it. Religion the cashier said " sure" "hand me a chocolate bar" he ate it. I feel better already with you holding my hand, sweets arent even needed. He needed a chocolate filling. Itll take the edge off your appetite, and youll eat less. Please add a link to this article. Here, have a carrot! Eve left the Garden of Eden for chocolate! We're totally the "you made a really awesome kid" kid. Sweetie I can be your sweets in this world full of bitter people. Were I to impregnate you, in several years the child will purchase you flowers and chocolates. People can't help being thrown off when slang for testicles are suddenly part of the conversation! Because you are as sweet as chocolate. Let's take a look at our favorite short jokes for adults only: As far as dirty jokes go, we can safely say that size doesn't matter. Did you hear about the chocolate bar burglar?! Mr. Good Arnold Ismach, The Darker Side of Chocolate. You are smoother and more palatable than a fondant and I like that. The smile looks really good on you. Half dark and half light chocolate. Linda Grayson, The Printwick Papers. He slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and, with even greater effort, forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands. A mum to her son: Yesterday there were two chocolate cakes in the pantry and now theres only one. Laugh more: 87 Car Jokes That Will Drive You Crazy. Elaine Sherman, Book of Divine Indulgences, My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. God is watching." They had a baby, Ruth. I dont think theres anything hotter than a chocolate but hey! What do you get when you dip a kitten in chocolate? I will not ever need sweets if I already have you in my life. The tenth lies. The man wished for a million dollars, and poof! Because I am returning this cake cause I realize youre enough. The old man responded, Thats ok. You can use these phrases in whatever comedic form you like. Click here for instructions on how to enable JavaScript in your browser. Judith Viorst. - You can GET chocolate. ( Ice Cream Jokes) What one thing became more clear as you got older?. The little boy looks over and responds, "My great grandfather lived to be 105.". You can also listen to t. What is a French cat's favorite dessert? Who is the sweetest man in the world? The divine drink, which builds up resistance and fights fatigue. Friend 2: Well, untill you live, you could go to Africa, and after you die, say to God that you've already been to hell. Please accept the terms of our newsletter. What kind of candy bar does an employee crave before the weekend? For their dessert, most French cats like the chocolate mousse. Why did the chocolate bar go to the dentist? If you believe that, you REALLY need to meet that special someone who can change your mind. ( Chocolate Jokes & Candy Jokes) What does the Grinch eat for dessert?. Chocolate isnt a food, its a medicine an anti-depressant. Dairy milk chocolate! One child whispered to another, "Take all you want. Sandra Boynton, Other things are just food. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); This is a text widget, which allows you to add text or HTML to your sidebar. The police put out an alert to look for the two hardened criminals. Check out the list of chocolate jokes and puns! Put it in the microwave. Returning visitor? I was going to get you a box of chocolates, but you already have a sweeter box. Nursing Home What Christmas carol do candy bars sing? What did the Hersheys bar, the marshmallow, and the cookie use to communicate? What do you call a womanising chocolate? Because I would like one kiss from you. What happens when you try to eat 5 candy bars at once? Hey baby, want to have some fun with me along with some chocolate tonight? I only wanted a weeks supply of sweets instead I got a lifetime supply because I got you. Are you Hershey's chocolate? What are the 4 major food groups? 7. Lucy Van Pelt, Peanuts, Biochemically, love is just like eating large amounts of chocolate. A Candy Baa. (What a piece of Juicy Fruit she was, too!) Get ready, because you will go ape over these banana puns: 1. The jamaican mon said "check the guyanese pockets and yuh find all three a dem". I bought a Mars bar, a Milky Way and a galaxy, and they were astronomical.I got myself a hazelnut and chocolate sports car. - You can safely have chocolate while you are driving. Friend 1: Maybe you should go to hell! The optimist sees the glass as half full. Chocolate is a Vegetable: chocolate is derived from cocoa beans. Baron Justus von Liebig (1803-1873), German chemist, The superiority of chocolate, both for health and nourishment, will soon give it the same preference over tea and coffee in America which it has in Spain. Chocolate bar prices have really gone up. I think of that again and again! Well, she immediately went down on my Tootsie Roll, and it was like pure Almond Joy! Which is the clumsiest candy bar? C? "I've never laughed a woman in to bed, but I've laughed one out of bed many times.". Did you hear about the love affair between Mr. Goodbar and Peppermint Patty? You are so sweet, I would eat you over chocolate any day. I feel better already. Cause I want to take your top off. He also suggested cocoa butter for skin treatment, piles and gout. The man replies, "And he ate that much chocolate?". Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips. Baby I can never get enough of your sweetness like I can never get enough of chocolate. There you are in front of me. Candy cow jump over the moon? And I think the answer lies somewhere between conversation and chocolate. Our team has some to share with you. So candy bars are a health food. My day got sprinkled with love! Boy I can make you melt in my mouth and in my hand like chocolate. We allow other website publishers to quote small snippets of text. Your email address will not be published. Bean = vegetable. Furthermore, most of these funny chocolate jokes are clean and safe for everyone. Chocolate Tessellation inspired me to mix cacao and cocoa alphabetically, but that made me sneeze: aaaccccooo!. (Ideas should be clear and chocolate thick.) Chocolate Day Funny Jokes. What did you guys do? More Funny Jokes. Danny Tanner was great, but Bob Saget loved working blue. They dont last long for fat people. I like my girls like I like my Hershey Kisses The second kid slid down and wished for a mountain of money, he then landed in a pile of money. Mustering one final effort, he threw himself toward the table. Q: What do cannibals eat for dessert? Mother to son: "I'm warning you. I love silly, funny, nerdy, quirky jokes. Gurl, you remind me of a box of chocolates..(Why?) *wink wink*. Are you a chocolate bar? We have gathered some of the funniest and amusingly ridiculous chocolate jokes, funny chocolate stories, puns, and one-liners youll ever see. Who doesnt love chocolate? Speaking of dirty jokes, we have the ultimate stockpile of the dirtiest, raunchiest, and definitely, NSFW jokes for you. Plane Chocolate! Andrew Weil, M.D. A new hybrid. What do you call an ant dipped in chocolate?Decad-ant.Did you hear about the magician that had chocolate in his shirt?He had some Twix up his sleeve.I asked my 7 year old, Why do you have chocolate all over your face?He said, Saving it for leftovers.That boy cracks me up.When is the best time to eat chocolate and marshmallows?In the smorning.Which chocolate is in the Baseball Hall of Fame?Babe Ruth.What do you get when you dip a kitten in chocolate?A Kitty Kat bar.If Bob has 30 chocolate bars and eats 25, what does he have?Diabetes.Whats the best part of Valentines Day?The day after when all the chocolate goes on sale.What kind of candy is never on time?ChocoLATE.What kind of candy bar does an employee crave before the weekend?A PayDay.Why did the donut visit the dentist?He needed a chocolate filling.I heard a joke about chocolate bars, and it wasnt that funny. Get stuck in. Babe you look absolutely better when you take that wrapper off of you. TheLaughFactory. Tap To Copy. Snickers he only snickers! I thought of you while having chocolate cake, because you are just too sweet. In a hotel sweet.What do you call a lamb dipped in chocolate? There was a million dollars. After she did it, I proceeded to eat it explaining that chocolate wasnt good for dogs. Were like hot chocolate and marshmallows. 3. We got some for you. Youre like a sweet because Id like to drizzle you on any food and still not get enough of you. A Payday Lets check them out! Can you be my mocha? What kind of candy is never on time? said the cashier. How did the hipster burn his mouth on hot chocolate?He drank it before it was cool.What do you get if you dip a cat in chocolate?A Kit Kat bar.What did the astronaut say when he stepped on a chocolate bar?I just stepped foot on Mars.What kind of biscuit can fly a space ship?A chocolate chip Wookie.Whats the suns favourite chocolate bar?A Milky Way.Whats the opposite of chocolate?Choco-EARLY.What do you call stolen cocoa?Hot chocolate.Whats an astronauts favourite chocolate?A Mars bar.What fruit loves chocolate?A coco-nut.Why did the M&M go to University?Because he wanted to be a Smartie.What happens before it rains chocolate?It sprinkles.What do you call a cow with a stutter?Cacao. Id give up chocolate, but Im no quitter. I love it, I love it, I love it. There are a few things we can always count on when were having a bad day, but chocolate is one of them! I live for it. Strength Heres more compilation of incredibly delicious chocolate jokes for your amusement. Soon she was fondling my Peter Pan and ZagNut and I knew it wouldn't be long before I blew my Milk Duds clear to Mars that gave her a taste of the old Milky Way. Theres more to life than chocolate, but not right now. Ted, Queer Eye For The Straight Guy, Fruit of all the kinds that the country produced were laid before him; he ate very little, but from time to time a liquor prepared from cocoa, and of an aphrodisiac nature, as we were told, was presented to him in golden cups I observed a number of jars, above fifty, brought in, filled with foaming chocolate of which he took some Bernal Diaz del Castillo, member of Corts force, describing a meal of emperor Montezuma, 1519, Let us celebrate our agreement with the adding of chocolate to milk. What kind of chocolate do they sell at the airport? Whos there? - Jack Whitehall. Are you chocolate milk? Its not that chocolates are a substitute for love. Hey Cookie, you're the sweetest. Want to see those? Weirdly, I've been taking some anti-impotence medication for my sunburn. Do you like it dark or milky? You make everything taste better just like cocoa. "hand me another one" he ate that too, " hand me one more" and he ate it. 131 Star Wars Jokes That Definitely Have The Force. You can use them to display text, links, images, HTML, or a combination of these. With these dirty chocolate jokes, youll make your lady smile. I am a serious chocoholic. . What do you call a womanising chocolate? Both are plants, which places them in the vegetable category. No, he answered. "Chocolate, please," replied the youngster. A man found a bottle on the beach. The man asks, "Why are you doing that? I reckon its just a Chinese whisper. - If you bite the nuts, the chocolate won't mind. A: Ask him to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms. I wont lie, it was a Rocky Road.A man is shipwrecked on a desert island. Apparently, Cadburys is making an oriental chocolate bar. So, what about chocolate jokes? We forget that chocolate is derived from cocoa beans-the fruit of the cacao tree-a fruit that is a rich source of these potentially beneficial substances. Imogen. Why didnt the cow produce any chocolate milk?Because he was moo-dy!Which chocolate candy bar is a cats favorite?A Kit Kat!What do you call an avalanche of marshmallows, nuts, and chocolate?A rocky road!What do parrots say when they see a candy bar?Cao-cao! I am craving for you more than I am craving for hot chocolate. Love is a substitute for chocolate. She screamed, "Oh Crackerjack, better than the Three Musketeers!" More Quotes Friend 2: Can't, I'm not black. John Milton, The Devils Advocate. 69 Seriously Dirty Jokes and Memes (That Will Make You Cover Your Eyes) by Eric Russell. Diet Advice Terry Moore. . One large, ongoing study of the benefits of exercise found that men who eat chocolate in moderation live longer than those who eat none. Chocolate is an excellent energy booster, but it can make kids go crazy if they overeat. Not every joke needs to be family-friendly or G-rated. A seven-year-old is sitting on a park bench eating a chocolate bar. Chocolates are an excellent energy-booster, but they go extremely wild when kids have overeaten. Its nutty, crunchy, and chocolatey delicious. Required fields are marked *. From clever Valentine's Day puns to corny dad jokes to adorable knock-knock jokes, these hilarious ideas will get all the giggles.
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